The Style Invitational Week 944 Is it just me, or ...?
By Pat Myers, Updated: Friday, November 4, 6:55 AM
“Is it just me, or do other D.C.
commuters talk like a pirate when the Metrorail information sign flashes
‘ARR’?”
“Is it just me, or do others feel
compelled to parody the song ‘Moves Like Jagger’ with cow references? Like
‘I’ve got to moooooooooooove an udder’?”
The above musings were posted
on the Style Invitational Devotees page on Facebook by Jeff Contompasis, who
has blotted up 206 blots of Invite ink and was recently named Loser of the Year
by his Loserly peers. Anyway, the immediate answer, of course, was: “It’s just
you, Jeff.” Jeff didn’t dispute that. Instead, he wrote to the Empress and
suggested a contest. This week: Give us one or more “Is it just me” questions,
as in the examples above. It doesn’t have to be about something that really
happened to you, but if it is, let the Empress know.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a mug for those who
are dismayed by the actual tastefulness of our current Loser Mug (“My cup
punneth over”): This one has a cartoon of lobsters crowded in a tank; one of
them says, “Who farted?” Donated by Loser Kathy Fraeman.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a
smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail
entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov.
14; results published Dec. 4 (Dec. 2 online). No more than 25 entries per
entrant per week. Include “Week 944” in your e-mail subject line or it may be
ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised
title for next week is by Chris Doyle; this week’s honorable-mentions
subhead is by Jeff Contompasis. Read and join the Facebook page at on.fb.me/invite-devotees.
Report from Week 940, in which we asked you to
change a Washington Post headline by one letter or by punctuation or spacing,
and then supply “bank head” that expanded on that altered headline:
The winner of the Inker
Just ice for a terrorist
Gitmo cooler diet gets colder
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
2. Winner of the
two-foot-long Gummi snake:
Hangers headed to World
Series
Texas team’s uniforms stolen
en route to St. Louis (Jim Reagan, Herndon, Va.)
3. Tebow gets God as Denver’s
QB
Born-again athlete persuades
Almighty to sub for him in critical third-down situations [“gets nod”] (Mike
Gips, Bethesda, Md.; Roy Ashley, Washington)
4. A smorgasmbord of oddities
The epicure’s guide to
unusual aphrodisiacs (Roger Hammons, North Potomac, Md.)
Bobble heads: honorable mentions
Police investigate
shooting dearth in Pr. George’s County
No gunfire
reported for last two days (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
New airport scanners to
identify phony IUDs
Privacy activists outraged as
TSA counters novel tactic to hide explosives [“phony IDs”] (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn, Va.)
Anti-sluts bill advances
Thousands of reality TV jobs
at risk [“anti-slots”] (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
NRA cancels first 2 weeks of
the season
Liberals can breathe easier
for a little while longer (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Prince Harry Land in
California
At new theme park, you’re
always second in line [“Prince Harry lands. . .”] (Dori Moura,
Chico, Calif, a First Offender)
What to eat after your ruin
A dumpster-diving guide for
the new economy [“after your run”] (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)
Some Dulles abuses old,
unreliable
TSA agrees to develop new
ways to annoy passengers [“Dulles buses”] (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)
The fruits of sandal in D.C.
Local farmers’ markets now
sell homemade toe jam (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)
Mexican drag cartels reach
into Belize
10 metric tons of man-size
stiletto heels, feather boas smuggled along coast (Ernst Mayer, Cupertino,
Calif., a First Offender)
Copper heft widely reported
Doughnut-heavy diet takes
toll on D.C. police [“copper theft”] (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
GOP rebate in New Hampshire
Special tax cuts for
Republican candidates cause controversy [“debate”] (Samuel Aaron, Newton,
Mass.)
Local hoarding tsk forces aim
to get sufferers the help they need
Teams of trained finger-waggers
visit cluttered homes (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Can electric cats actually
save electricity?
Scientist touts
feline-rubbing as a low-cost energy source [“electric cars”] (Bruce Alter,
Fairfax Station, Va.)
Congress approves 3 traded Accords
Used Hondas are part of
limo-downsizing move [trade accords] (Jeff Loren, Manassas, Va.)
Roasted feet salad
Sophisticated dish
complements blue cheese. [“beet salad”] (Jeremy Porto, Navarre, Fla., a First
Offender)
Eagles have their backs to the
ball
Coaches discover reason for
team’s poor play [“to the wall”] (Robert Gallagher, Charleston, S.C.)
Coin is the GOP flavor of the
month
And this is news how? [“Cain
is”] (Todd Carton, Silver Spring, Md.)
Snuggled Libyan weapons flood
into Egypt
‘Happiness is a warm gun,’
says Islamic Brotherhood leader (Jerry Birchmore, Springfield, Va.)
The best private bonk in
North America
Discreet service now
available for visiting Brits [“private bank”] (Barrie Collins, Long Sault,
Ontario)
Nigerian accused
of trying to blow up planet
Justice Dept.
denies engaging in prosecutorial overreach (Chris Doyle)
Pest doesn’t save lives, task
force says
Superhero status not approved
for Grammar-Correcting-Man [“test doesn’t save lives”] (Gary Crockett)
Washington area office
gleaners consider a strike
Workers demandbetter grade of
pens to pilfer [“office cleaners”] (Stephanie Weldon, Silver Spring)
Many Israelis unhappy with
Hams prisoner exchange
‘What are we going to do with
these?’ ask both sides (Dixon Wragg)
Florida governor
sings death warrant
Rick Scott shows
off karaoke skills (Chris Doyle)
Alien has $1.8 million in
bank for Va. Senate race
‘The truth about Area 51 tell
you I will,’ Tea Party favorite promises. (Jeff Brechlin)
Company finds slip filled
with silver
CIA upstages FBI in new
investigation of Leslie Johnson [“finds ship”] (Mike Gips)
Woods in danger of missing
2nd straight nut
Nordegren’s lawyer negotiated
extremely severe divorce terms [“2nd straight cut”] (Roy Ashley)
NBA players ready
for long battle with downers
Extended lockout
portends switch from steroids to depressants [“with owners”] (Chris Doyle)
Still active after all those
dears
At age 85, Hugh Hefner
carries on (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Check out, banking options
WellsAmeriCitiChase buys up
all remaining competitors (Jeff Loren)
At Smithsonian Archive Fair,
treasure from the slacks
Experts appraise items found
in dead relatives’ pants pockets [“from the stacks”] (Dave Prevar, Annapolis,
Md.)
Get answers to your questions
about mental implants
Help Big Brother help you
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
And last:
Donate your czar: 100% tax
deductible; free pick-up
Empress gets request for
used-up Style Invitational stuff (Beverley Sharp)
Next week: They don’t say, or Cite gags